Fear(Less)

“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” -Marcus Aurelius

I am presently 17 days away from my 30th birthday and for the first time in my life I have reached the realization that I don’t hate working, I just hate working for other people. I hate having my schedule dictated, I hate the politics of the workplace, and I definitely hate the unnecessary drama that seems to take place from time to time. I always opt to play it safe and with each passing day, I grow more and more frustrated. As my family grows, what I realize is that I have more to lose by remaining fearful of taking a chance on what truly matters to me.

I realize that it’s natural to be fearful in life. Not knowing what to expect when taking a risk is something to fear. But I have been fearful to the point that I start something and then don’t finish it. I have been that way for years. But now, I’m realizing being at a job that I don’t like is taking me away from my daughter. And with baby number two on the way, I definitely don’t want to be pulled away to work somewhere I don’t like. I have to get over my fear (and my impatience) and start doing the work that’s necessary to get to what I truly want to be doing with my life. I want to be home with my children, but I also want to work from home. So I need to figure out that balance and thankfully I have a husband who is supporting this goal of mine! If I’m going to work, I may as well take a risk on what I love because I’m already failing at what I don’t like!  

So I need to come up with a game plan. A generic, foolproof plan to follow would definitely work in my favor. And off the top of my head these are the things that come to mind:

  • Pray
  • Patienceclark-tibbs-367075-unsplash
  • Trust
  • Patience
  • Positive thinking
  • Patience

I have never lost sight of what I truly want, but I have never maintained the patience that is necessary to get to where I want to be. But I realize now that I have far more to lose

 by staying where I am in life. So scared or not (mostly scared) I’m going after the things that truly matter. I only have this one life to live. I spent my twenties being young, dumb, and scared. I can’t afford to take that mindset into my thirties. If I want my children to live their best lives and believe that can achieve any dreams, then I need to set that example for them. 

Life is meant to be lived. It’s time I start living!

Reintroduce Myself

Hello, again world!

My name is Krystal and welcome to my blog. My first attempt at this, I was pulling my writing in all different directions and wasn’t necessarily producing work I was proud of. I was just writing for the sake of writing. But now, I’m going to take this blog site much more seriously and push and challenge myself with my writing.

The first challenge is learning how to be more transparent. Not too transparent where every detail of my life is out there for the public, but transparent enough that my readers feel they can relate to me in some kind of way. So to start, I’ve been married for almost three years, I have a soon-to-be two-year-old daughter, and my second child is due to make their arrival in December. I’m a Christian who very much still rough around the edges. I have a passion for writing, reading, painting, and eating. I love HGTV and DIY! Network. I love coffee, but this pregnancy has diverted me more towards tea, which I also love. I have a tendency to ramble, but I always come back to the point I was trying to make…well, almost always!

Ultimately, my goal is to make people feel uplifted and inspired after reading something I wrote. And sometimes that will be a challenge. But it’s a challenge I’m willing to accept because I believe in the power of words.

Disappearing Posts

Over time, posts will start disappearing. I’ve finally decided to stop bouncing around with my writing and just stick to something that matters.

While I love writing poetry because I find it easy, I no longer feel like this blog is the right place to share my poetry, so I will be using platforms like Wattpad, Spillwords, and Twitter to share my poetry. I think Twitter will be the most fun because I’ll be limited to a set number of characters. So naturally the first posts to go will be the poetry.

I have decided to start taking this blog more seriously. I’m going to have to if I want to become a serious writer and blogger.

So that’s basically it for now. This blog is getting a reset.

And eventually this blog post will disappear too!

Writing Hiatus

Well, last weekend I found out I’m pregnant with my second child and that exciting (but very surprising) news put everything to a halt for me. Well, for the most part, all of my creative endeavors came to a halt. I just needed some time to focus on the game-changing news that a new little human will be added to our family in December.

But I’m slowly coming back around to writing. Life has taken me and my family in a new direction, so naturally, I feel that my writing should as well! I’m just excited for the next chapter that is to come and I would like my writing to reflect that accordingly!

All For Nothing

So, I’m having one of those lovely days where everything feels stupid. I feel like any and everything I’ve done with my writing is for nothing. I just want to stay in bed, put the covers over my head, and give up.

But life doesn’t work like that. Everything I’m doing will one day pay off. That’s what I have to remember. I can’t let a perfectly beautiful day escape me. I can’t ignore the opportunity to add more to a novel. I can’t let the chance to brainstorm a new idea go to waste. I have to keep going, especially on the days I just don’t want to. None of the words seem right, but it’s something written to be edited on another day.

So today sucks. But I’m alive. I’m drinking good coffee. I’m blessed with an opportunity to do some crappy writing. And I have a loving husband and spunky toddler waiting for me when I get home! All is well in the end. Regardless of what my feelings are trying to get me to believe.

Mama’s Baby Girl Pt. I

So, I don’t baby my 21-month-old daughter. If she falls and hurts herself, there are two responses I give her based on the degree of the fall. The first is, “You’re fine, it scared you more than it hurt you.” And she’s up and running again. The second is, “Come here, let me make sure you’re okay.” And her response to that is the main reason why I won’t and don’t baby her. She fights me, or her father, or anyone for that matter when we check for blood, scraps, or any injuries. She goes from crying because she fell, to crying because she got picked up for inspection to make sure she’s okay. And ten times out of ten she’s up and running again before those tears have even dried. She did that when she fell in Jackson Square in New Orleans and she did that when we were home in Alabama and she face planted on concrete from running too fast.

I just don’t baby her, mainly because she hates it. And secondly because I don’t want my child growing up thinking the entire world has to stop when she gets an ouchie. I don’t want her to take something minor and make it major because of the attention she can get from it. She’s an only child and the only grandchild for all her grandparents, so she has more than enough attention. But my firstborn is a sassy, strong-willed, independent, rough and tumble little girl. She gets up after a fall and she goes even harder than before when playing. She laughs more than before the fall. She’s tasted concrete, grass, carpet, and dirt, and survived. She’s done free falls off the couch, fallen of the bed, ran into walls, slipped on hardwood, smashed her fingers, fallen off her dad’s lap while swinging, busted her lip, and the list goes on, and it will go on as she gets older.

If it were left up to me, I would duct tape to her crib and call it a day. But she’d figure a way out of the duct tape and then climb out of the crib. She’s a fighter. She’s determined. She’s a pint size of fierce. She’s a little version of me, and that’s the third and final reason I don’t baby her -I hate that shit!

Short Attention Span

If there’s one thing for certain, I have a short attention span on a lot of things. One reason is, I genuinely don’t have an interest in whatever is taking place and therefore divert my attention to something that I actually care about. And I’m sure that’s the case with a lot of people. If you don’t care about something, then you don’t care.

But the other reason, is I just have too much going through my brain. I need to eat, I want to write, I have to keep my kid alive, my husband wants to talk, and a million other things. I spend a lot of time trying to figure out where I left off with something. It’s life. And life for me right now is hectic. I’m learning to embrace the hectic and prioritize to make sure the important things get done. And I know it sounds like I’m rambling in this post because I am. The point to this whole thing is that I’m figuring out what requires more attention, even when I don’t want to give it!

Just Relax

If there is one thing I haven’t done in awhile is simply relax. And that’s what I’m doing while on vacation! I’m just relaxing and enjoying the moments. Funnily enough, my creative juices are flowing and I just want to get ideas on paper so that I can develop them. I just feel good and so nothing feels forced right now with writing.

Naturally, I will have posts scheduled out for the next few days because I’ll be out and about adventuring! I just feel good! And I feel happy! I feel like tonight I’ll be doing a good amount of writing!

Writing from the Road

At the present moment I’m in a car heading to Southern Alabama with my family! We’re going to spend a little over a week with my mother, which excites me because I haven’t seen her since Christmas. And this is our first family trip so that also adds to the excitement!

To my surprise, and my husband’s, our tiny tot is doing very well being in her car seat for an extended period of time. She won’t take a nap, but she’s also not pitching a fit, so it’s an overall win! She’ll just have her meltdown once we get to my mom’s.

Now, I haven’t exactly decided if I’m going to write vacation based posts or stay on schedule and work on Operation Poetry Translation! I might just do both!

Broken Image

She never felt beautiful

She never liked her reflection

She never felt she had anything to offer

She simply never felt good enough

A broken image of beauty

Drowning in the opinions of others

Shattered by doubt

Struggling to see the beauty that she already is

He never felt handsome

He never liked his reflection

He never felt he had anything to offer

He simply never felt good enough

A broken image of beauty

Drowning in the opinions of others

Shattered by doubt

Struggling to see the beauty that he already is

Fearfully and wonderfully made

Is how we’ve all been created

God made no mistakes when He created us

But the world’s voice has been made louder than God’s

And the heartbreaking results is a broken image of beauty

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