Breaking the Cycle

“Sometimes it’s the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination.” -Drake

When I first thought of this title, I thought out some deep profound sentences to string together. But then I realized, I didn’t feel like sounding deep and profound, so I put the brakes on writing this blog piece.

Finding myself on the same hamster wheel and never really getting anywhere is starting to really work my nerves. In other words, I’m getting irritated with myself. I’ve never met a more indecisive person than myself. I mean the fact that I’m married is a miracle because I tend to have commitment issues. Yes, this is a new found revelation. Everything I’m good at and everything I’m passionate about are the things I’m always questioning. It would appear that sticking to what I’m good at scares me because what if I *gasp* succeed at what I’m really good at?!

I’m all for keeping my options open and placing eggs in multiple baskets. But I’m too open with my options. And I’ve got eggs in too many baskets. I’m just running that hamster wheel, thinking I’m going somewhere and I’m still in the same place. Oh how annoyed I find myself with myself.

And I know you’re probably thinking, “Krystal, stop being so hard on yourself. It takes some people years to figure things out.” And I’d say, “I guess so!” followed by a half-shoulder shrug.

The point is, I need to break this cycle of making one decision only to think another decision is more appealing. I need to focus on that which I was created to love and follow that path. And not only follow that path, but stay on it regardless of what is waiting for me.

Random Thoughts: The End of NaNoWriMo

So yeah, I definitely stopped participating in National Novel Writing Month…about four days ago. And I was super excited about it, but it just didn’t feel right. I quickly realized that my focus was being pulled away from other writing projects that I would like to pursue. And I battled with the idea of stopping or continuing, but after weighing my options, NaNoWriMo just wasn’t in the cards this year.

Also, it was pulling my focus away from Savannah. I want to spend as much time as possible with her before her baby brother arrives and life changes as we know it, for the better, but with a hectic start.

The reality is, I can work on a novel any time of the year.

 

Random Thoughts: The Start of NaNoWriMo

Well, tomorrow marks the start of National Novel Writing Month and I’m pretty excited! Not like super excited, but excited enough that I’ll meet my daily goal of 1,667 words. The upside is that Savannah will be with her grandparents, so that leaves uninterrupted time to write. The downside is I made plans with a friend for an afternoon lunch and then I have plans with my husband for some get together at this job. But whatever the case, I’m pretty sure I’ll get the word count knocked out.

My biggest advantage is that I plan to jump around with my writing. I won’t do like I did last year and drive myself crazy trying to force words that just weren’t there. If I feel like working on Chapter Ten before Chapter Seven, then that’s what I’ll do. The most planning I’ve done is come up with titles for each chapter. That’s about all the guidelines I’ve given myself. Everything else, I’m pulling from my head like Dumbledore’s thoughts going into his Pensieve.

It’s gonna be a fun month. I mean right after I finish using the month of November to write my first draft of a book, all that effort will be completely forgotten as I prepare to give birth to my son, Austin, at the beginning of December!

 

Random Thought: Just Wing It

                       

patrick-fore-381200-unsplashWell it’s official, I’m not going to succeed at NaNoWriMo doing the whole planning and outlining thing. I had it all set up. I had a game plan. And then my brain was like “Nope, not gonna work!” So I’m going to do what I did last year, take my idea and work it out one written word at a time.

If I’m going to be successful with NaNoWriMo two years in a row, then I have to stay true to who I am as a first draft writer. No planning out the idea. Just taking the idea and running with it. I know what my end goal is. Obviously, it’s 50,000 words in a month. But it’s also to complete the first draft, so that I’ll have a foundation for the second draft.

Write the crap. Then clean the crap up. That appears to be my modus operandi when writing!

 

Random Thoughts: Words I Can’t Handle

We all have words we don’t like. And not just words, phrases and abbreviations as well. We’re just all weird people like that.

“FYI (For Your Information)” doesn’t matter how it’s said, “moist”, and “juicy” top the list of words and phrases that irritate me. “FYI” just sounds snobby to me. I mean there are other ways to inform a person about something without ever having to use “FYI”, but that’s just me. And then “moist” and “juicy” send shivers down my spine. I don’t care if something is legitimately “moist” or “juicy”, those words just shouldn’t be used. I get irrationally irritated by their usage.

And then there are other words, abbreviations, and phrases that irk me:

-Wretching

-Euphemism

-TMI

-IDK

-BRB

-Salivate

-Traverse

-Potty (said to anyone over the age of five)

-Rectum

-Vicissitude

-“Hit me up”

-“If it were a snake it would’ve bit me!”

I’m pretty sure there are more of these that drive me crazy, but these are the things that come to mind…

Y’all the issues are real! But I’m okay with that. We all have words that we hear and it feels like nails on a chalkboard or a gag reflex in the making. That’s just the English language. It’s weird. And I’m pretty sure y’all think I’m weird. But share the words with me that irritate you and I’m pretty sure I’ll be thinking you’re weird too.

 

All For Nothing (Repost)

So, I’m having one of those lovely days where everything feels stupid. I feel like any and everything I’ve done with my writing is for nothing. I just want to stay in bed, put the covers over my head, and give up.

But life doesn’t work like that. Everything I’m doing will one day pay off. That’s what I have to remember. I can’t let a perfectly beautiful day escape me. I can’t ignore the opportunity to add more to a novel. I can’t let the chance to brainstorm a new idea go to waste. I have to keep going, especially on the days I just don’t want to. None of the words seem right, but it’s something written to be edited on another day.

So today sucks. But I’m alive. I’m drinking good coffee. I’m blessed with an opportunity to do some crappy writing. And I have a loving husband and spunky toddler waiting for me when I get home! All is well in the end. Regardless of what my feelings are trying to get me to believe.

 

Living My Best Life Now

Note to self: the best way to enjoy life is to start by enjoying where you’re presently at.

I would love to travel for a living, and so would my husband. But one, I’m too far in my pregnancy to do something as simple as a road trip. Secondly, my husband and I don’t have the money that’s required to travel the way we want to. But it’s a goal we know we want to work towards. So for now, we enjoy exploring the city we live in. We enjoy picking out our next travel destinations. We read about travel destinations. We watch shows that deal with travel. We give ourselves something to look forward to. And most important, we stopped comparing ourselves to people who are already doing the things that we want to do.

Note to self: You’ve already taken one step in the direction of what you want to do.

I’m now a stay-at-home mom. As much as child care would cost for Savannah, it would cost more once Austin arrives. And I would much rather be home with them than to work just to pay for child care. That makes absolutely no sense. So, full time mommy it is. And I’m enjoying it, but I’m still finding my rhythm, which will still take time because we have Austin to throw into the equation. In addition to finding my rhythm with my tiny human, I’m still figuring out the creative avenues I want to take to generate an income while still being home. I know for a fact that I never want to punch on another person’s time clock again. I want to be my own boss. I’m at the bottom of the ladder, so the only other option is to start climbing.

Note to self: As long as you’re breathing, you have life. So live!