The Words that Scare Me

I tend to come up with some great things to write when the words are swirling around in my head. But when it comes time to actually write the words down or type them out, all the words become impossible to transfer over from my mind.

I have this fear that if I write down what’s really going through my head, I’ll see myself in a different light. I’ll be introduced to a side of myself that should be taken seriously. Being a kid at heart is fine and all, but I find that I do tend to show my adult side when writing. There’s nothing wrong with that side. I need to embrace that side of me even more.

I also have this fear of people’s reactions to my words. It’s okay to care, but I care too much! Not everyone is going to like my writing. I need to be okay with that. I have to write for myself first and then share my words from there. I can’t please everyone and that isn’t my goal, but I still let my thoughts get the better of me.

The words that scare me (for whatever reason at the time) simply need to be written one word at a time. I have a lot that I want to say. I have a lot that I want to share. I don’t want to be scared of being myself. I don’t want to be scared to learn about myself along the way as I get better with my writing. I don’t want to be scared to learn about others along the way as I get better with my writing. I just have to face whatever scares me head on with my writing and find assurance that things will work out for the better more than for the worst.

Hover Mode Deactivated

I’ve come to the conclusion that if I want to accomplish anything during the day, I cannot keep hovering over my child. Yes, she’s two. Yes, things happen quickly. But I do not have the time to hover over her every move. Now, I’ve recently come to this conclusion, so I’m still getting used to the decision I’ve recently made as a mother.

The first reason why I cannot hover over my daughter all the time is because it doesn’t teach her independence. It also means I will never get anything done throughout the day. If she’s in the living room watching Frozen or Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood, I’m not a bad mom for going into the kitchen to clean it up after breakfast or lunch. I can see her in the living room from the kitchen and if she’s glued to the television, I know she’s not going anywhere. I check on her periodically and she’s either still glued to the television or she’s messing with the television. Do I trust my two-year-old? Definitely not! But is she learning that even though Mommy is not right there, she’ll still get caught doing something? Absolutely!

The second reason I’m learning to stop hovering over my daughter is she has moments throughout the day where that independence I want her to learn is actually showing up. She will go in her room and start playing by herself. That leaves me open to start a load of laundry or fold the load I just took out of the dryer. Granted, there are times where her playing in her room turns into throwing diapers and shoes on the floor, but there’s nothing breakable in her room, so it’s “Clean up, pick up, put away,” time and we go from there.

The third reason why I’m learning to not hover over my child is because I don’t want her to hover over people. She learns her behavior from her parents. I have to realize that as long as she’s under our roof, my husband and I will be the first example she sees of something. My daughter is a strong-willed individual. When it comes to her snacks and toys and television time, she knows what she wants. When she wants to play by herself, she does. When she wants time and attention with her parents, she’s going to get it with no-questions asked. But while she’s off doing her own thing, I’m doing mine. And my thing is usually cleaning up, cooking, attempting to go the bathroom, or trying to do something on the creative side.

The biggest realization for me though about not hovering is the bigger accidents that have happened with my daughter, her father and I were within arms reach to grab her, but she moved faster than we could. I cannot protect her from everything. But if she makes it through the day alive then my job as a mother has been executed well.